Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I cried. And then I got busy.

So yesterday morning was a bit of a challenge. I was in an email conversation with two good friends who are homeschooling their kids also. These are really the only two friends whose blogs I will probably read when it comes to homeschooling (since we've already established that I get overwhelmed looking at too many blogs). Well, for whatever reason, I was feeling particularly anxious about starting homeschooling next week, most likely because I hadn't even GLANCED at the teacher's guide. As my friends were talking about how they scheduled their entire year out, or how they were supplementing with this curriculum or that, or how they were trying to bridge the gap and teach two kids at once - my brain went on tilt.


You know like when the pinball machine just freezes because the ball got jammed somewhere? That was my brain.

Because they are two of my very dearest friends, I had no problem telling them of my mindset.

Intro pity party:

"Honestly you guys I feel like you are out of my league... this is burying my brain... I'm not wired up like you guys... It's just now how I'm set up... I'm so behind I have no clue what a popsicle stick chart is... blah... blah... blah"

I was bummed.

It's amazing how Satan knows exactly when to push our insecurity buttons. I had just come off a high from speaking briefly in front of our entire church congregation for 3 services. The experience was great and I felt so affirmed and confident! Teaching and preaching is my gifting after all.

Less than 24 hours later, I'm almost in tears. Insecure about... teaching? Teaching? The very thing I did as a pastor over adults for a couple of years? The very ministry I feel called to? How did that happen?

Well my friends wouldn't have any of my attitude. As good friends do, one quickly offered to meet with me so we could talk about the curriculum and support each other. The other sent me this reply:

"I like that you are not wired like me :)

1 Corinthians 12:27-33

27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 28 And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30 Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret?

You have your own gifting and that will be evident in your homeschool. You are a gifted teacher. Love u, D."

Gotta love friends.

So yesterday I took the time to get familiar with the material and plan out the next few weeks. It was liberating to go through and take out what I knew wouldn't work, or what I felt was too much for kindergarten. As soon as I got my hands on it and could formulate a plan I started to feel much better. Then I had the opportunity to go for a walk with a third friend who just started homeschooling her two older children and it was an awesome opportunity to process all of my concerns and get some great insight and advice.

I'm telling you. Gotta love friends.

So tonight I have my encouragement/support meeting and tomorrow I will begin, for real.

I'll let you know how it goes!